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Dead Or Alive Paradise Review

Your days are divided into morning, afternoon and evening where you will be able to indulge in activities as diverse as volleyball, pool hopping, butt battling and gambling. Volleyball is the activity that most resembles an actual video game, but it's riddled with so many flaws it's not even funny.

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Your point of view is a ridiculous angle that that pans around refusing to give you a full view of the arena and your partner is so devoid of common sense that she will regularly attempt to spike the ball from the back of the court, or even more amusingly, literally ignore it when it's well within her range – not even a cursory dive to pretend she's actually in the game with you. DoA: Xtreme 2  at least allowed you to control your partner's movement with the second stick – a luxury that's obviously impossible here but irritating none the less, and while the girls had individual stats in the last game, if they did make the transition they are nearly impossible to spot.

Pool hopping is a simple Guitar Hero-like button matching exercise that requires timing and observation but has even less depth than the shallow pool it takes place in. The butt battle makes its unwanted return as an unlockable after a lot of grief and even this sentence is giving it more recognition than it deserves. Finally we have gambling games which amount to poker, blackjack and the slots. Sure, they work, but if you needed a full-price UMD to play cards, you probably have bigger things to worry about. Cut from previous games in the series are the jet ski race, water slide, beach flag and tug of war games, leaving a severely undernourished gameplay experience.

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he focus of this awkward sub-series has always been the dating sim-esque interaction between the girls and this continues. Success at the minigames will accrue Zack dollars used to buy utterly useless accessories, or as is most likely, ever more revealing beach attire. If you pay attention to the girls' profiles and send gifts according to their likes and dislikes they will reward you by partnering up with you for activities and when you've finally bought your way into their affections, you can watch hidden venus clips where you can take snaps to add to your own perverse Lonely Planet guide.

Venus clips follow the girls splashing about in a pool or playing on inflatables in revealing poses, though they look like they've been mo-capped by three year olds learning to walk, such is the pathetic level of strained innocence and submissiveness in their behaviour.

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